Karmas return, p.6
Karma's Return, page 6
Mo leaned forward on the couch with a kind smile, “But Emma, all of this is something your soul already knows; it’s just forgotten because you’re in the process of living, but you will remember everything once you’ve finished living and return home.”
“That was one of the best parts.” Granny smiled as if sweet memories played in her head. “When I died and began to remember again, everything just made sense. You know how I’ve always covered you in warm blankets and clothes? Well, it makes a lot of sense now that I know I died of hypothermia in a past lifetime.”
“Wow, that’s crazy.” I squeezed my grandmother’s hand when she leaned closer to me and intertwined our fingers. “But why can’t I return home to you now? I don’t want to go back. I can’t...”
“Emma, right now your life is one big storm, but if you leave now, you’ll miss out on all the beautiful rainbows and sunny skies in your future.” Grammy stroked my hand.
“That’s true,” Alo began. “But there is also the important part to remember, which is, you chose this life Emma; together we picked out the challenges you wanted to face. Your goal was to help kids, but you couldn’t do that if you didn’t understand them. All this pain you’re going through right now has a purpose. It provides you with empathy and some important tools for the future. You need to understand how it feels to struggle, and you need to learn how to handle these struggles so that you can teach others how to do the same.” Alo spoke slowly; his voice was like the soft sound of waves. “If you come home now, you will just have to go down and live another life where you start over. That would be a shame because you’ve already gotten so far.”
I sighed deeply as I considered his words. “You’re right but... what if I can’t solve this situation, how am I supposed to help anyone else when I can’t even help myself?”
Mo tilted her head and despite her sitting opposite me, it felt like she gave me a large hug when she smiled. “You can’t ask a baby to walk when it hasn’t yet learned how to crawl. Give yourself time, Emma; right now is a hard period of your life, but we’ve seen you overcome many struggles in the past and just like you adapted and grew the muscles you needed in order to get through those challenges, you’ll do the same this time. You just need to build your mental muscles.”
“And hopefully,” Alo added, “If Karma succeeds, when you return to your body, things will be easier.”
My eyebrows drew close together, analyzing his words. “Karma?”
Aurelia, who sat on the right side of the couch, opened her mouth for the first time. Her tone was disapproving when she said, “She’s an ancient soul who we reached out to for help, but instead she pushed you over the edge. Now she’s in your body and setting things right.”
Alo was quick to interject, “I feel like much of this is my fault. I should’ve warned Karma about Emma’s fragile state, but...” He turned his head to me with a soft smile on his lips, “I so desperately wanted you to live up to everything that you are capable of that I overestimated the situation. I’m sorry for that.”
“What do you mean she is in my body?” My eyes flew to each of their faces waiting for them to break into laughter and tell me that they were only kidding, but none of them laughed.
“No one knows it’s not you in your body. And when you’re ready we can take you to her; you can follow her from this side and hopefully learn some pointers. She’s an exceptional soul, Emma, so ancient and kind.” He sighed. “I’m incredibly thankful she stopped you before it was too late.”
Everything they were telling me was an overwhelming amount of information and it was hard to absorb everything, but one thing I’d noticed was that being in their company had made all my despair float away.
“Besides, Emma, if you leave now, Aurelia will have to rearrange her plans as well and you’ll miss out on having her as a child.”
“What?” My eyes fell to the quiet woman who sat on the right.
She spoke in a calm voice, “Our contract is that I will be your future child and until then I’m working as one of your spirit guides.”
My face lit up, I’d always wondered about my future children, so to sit in front of her now felt like a wild dream. “You’re my future child? Wow, I can’t believe it.” My voice became high-pitched.
“Yes, but don’t get too excited.” She chuckled. “You and I will love each other endlessly, but I will also be a challenge; that’s a part of our contract.”
“Oh.” My face fell.
“Don’t worry, it’s all for the best though. You’ll see in the end.”
“So, Emma,” Alo began. “We can change your soul purpose if you want to. We can make it an easy life where you aren’t challenged too much, but just know that if that’s what you choose, then you won’t make the same difference in people’s lives. You won’t be able to help those at-risk kids, and you won’t have Aurelia as a child because then you won’t be able to help her soul’s purpose. But if you decide to fulfill the plan you made for this lifetime, then you have to stop hiding, Emma. It’s time for you to stand up for yourself and to stand up for others.”
I sat for a long moment considering his words. A large part of me wanted to say yes to having an easier life, but inside of me my soul spoke up, encouraging me to decline the offer and telling me I was stronger than I thought. “You know, going through all this loneliness and pain sucks, but if it somehow serves a purpose... if I can help others who feel the way I feel... then it seems worth it.” I sighed deeply, nodding my head. “I’ll go back. But first I have a few more questions. Where does a soul come from and what’s even the purpose of going through the human experience?”
There was a moment of silence and then Alo spoke. “Just like humans don’t know what’s beyond the physical experience, we don’t have all answers either. Some say that our souls are pieces of star material and that one day we’ll return into that same cosmos of oneness that we came from, but to be honest, none of us know for sure.”
For some reason it was easier for me to accept that he didn’t have all the answers than it had been to understand what he explained to me about the afterlife.
“Is there a God?” It was a question I had to ask.
My grandmother chuckled and looked to my guides, “Told you she would have good questions.”
“Humans have more than three hundred gods, Emma,” Mo said. “We see them as personifications for a greater power of oneness that energizes the world. Everything is energy and prayers and visualizations do help because it helps us guardians and guides align with your wishes.”
“Will you stay with me when I go back?”
Alo didn’t move from his seat, but again his smile felt like a warm caress. “Don’t worry, Emma. You’ll never have to face anything alone. I’ve always been with you and I’ll continue to be your guardian.”
I had a million more questions to ask, but my mind and body felt drained and I yawned.
“Come darling, rest your head.” My grandmother’s strong scent of homemade cake and lavender engulfed me and I felt a kiss to my forehead before I closed my eyes. I just needed a few moments to digest everything. “Thank you,” I whispered feeling grateful for a safe place to rest my head. I’d felt lonely and depressed, but being here now, those heavy feelings and thoughts felt like something from another lifetime, I felt loved and understood.
CHAPTER 7
Lunch
Karma
It’s a sad truth that you can feel the loneliest in a crowd of people.
From what I’d seen of Emma’s memories, she had few close friendships. There was Lucille and Onyx, but what had been a close friendship all through middle school had fizzled out when they were split into different high schools.
Set on a mission to help Emma make some new friends, I was excited when lunchtime rolled around.
Walking into the cafeteria, I reminded myself that the anxiety I felt in my chest was Emma’s and not mine.
I ignored the giggles and stares, bought my food, and looked around at the crowded tables.
A boy came running up to me and dramatically kicked away the trash can I stood next to.
“Careful that you don’t fall in.” He winked at me before returning to a group of boys that were all laughing with him. Empowered by their admiration for his sense of humor, the young man called out to me, “Hey, Emma, just call and I’ll come kick any trash can out of the way before you fall in.” His broad grin made other students nearby join in on the laughter.
My body felt tense, and I sensed how Emma would have been hurt by their laughter. But being ridiculed in front of teenagers wasn’t anywhere close to the worst that had happened to me, and I found no malice in the boy’s eyes. He was a prankster by nature and humor was his coping mechanism. With the clear understanding that he was trying to make light of something that he understood had been traumatic to Emma, I walked closer to him and smiled. “What’s your name?”
The laughter among the boys instantly died down and they exchanged looks.
“You don’t know?” the prankster asked me.
I roamed Emma’s mind and thought he looked familiar, but no name came up.
“We were in fourth grade together, remember?”
“Bryson,” I exclaimed as the name popped up.
“Yeah.” Shifting his balance from one foot to the other, he widened his shoulders as to show me he’d grown up since then.
“Thank you for having my back, Bryson. You’re a good kid.”
His mouth fell open, but I was already walking away.
“Did she just call me a kid?” His offended tone behind me made me smile, but I’d already eyed a table with five girls and headed in that direction. “Can I sit with you?” I asked them with my most charming smile, hoping that some of these girls would become Emma’s new friends.
The only reaction I got was from one girl who was wearing large hoop earrings. With a sideways glance, she muttered in a dry tone, “I guess.”
“Thank you.” Waiting for them to move a little closer to give me room, I set my tray down on the edge of the table and took a seat. “So, what do you ladies think about the current climate crisis?” I asked and picked up a carrot.
They were quiet and exchanged looks among themselves.
“That’s kinda a heavy topic.” The girl across from me wrinkled her nose with a small shrug, and then she leaned forward on her elbows toward the rest of the group. “But that’s not the only thing guys. I have more tea.”
That confused me since there was clearly no tea around.
“Ari told me Daniel asked her out, but she doesn’t want to make it official yet because she and Mark just broke up last week.”
The girls started gossiping about people I’d never heard of.
I tried to join the conversation. “Maybe Ari and Daniel are made for each other. Wouldn’t it be marvelous if they were a love match and grew up to have a family together?”
The girl across from me gave a snort while another rolled her eyes. “Ari will be onto another dude in two weeks.”
Just like in the bus this morning, the girl next to me turned her back to me, effectively blocking me from the conversation with her shoulder.
As they continued to “spill tea” about people I didn’t know, I reminded myself that they were young women who were still finding themselves and that social norms had changed since I last walked the earth. Surely, they had a warm side and if I helped them a little, they could practice inclusiveness. Persistent about getting Emma some friends, I leaned forward interjecting myself into their current subject of a friend who had changed.
“Did you talk to her about it? Maybe she’s being moody because she’s going through a tough time. I’m sure we can all relate to that. Now is probably the time she needs her friends the most. Why don’t you ask her if she’s okay?”
No one responded, or even met my eyes.
Poking the girl next to me on her shoulder managed to get me some attention. “I’m sorry, would you mind turning? I feel left out with the way you’re all refusing to look at me and the way you turn your shoulders to me.”
Again, the girls exchanged silent glances, and this time their lips disappeared in suppressed nervous laughter.
When one girl whispered, “Aaawkward,” I gave a deep sigh.
“Yes, it is awkward. Thank you for acknowledging that, but I think we would all feel better if you behaved in a kinder way. Don’t you know the saying; a stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet?”
“OMG.” One of them rolled her eyes while the others snickered low and continued to avoid eye contact with me.
“You’re doing it again; blocking me from the conversation,” I told the girl next to me in a patient tone.
“Whatever,” one of them said while breaking her voice in a way that seemed to be normal among these girls.
The girl who sat across from me stood up and was the first to meet my eyes, although only briefly. “No offense, but you sound like my grandmother.” Turning her head, she walked to a neighboring table that had become available. “Let’s sit over here, I like this table better.”
The other girls followed her, but it was clear that the invitation didn’t extend to me.
Now alone at the table I rose to my full height and faced the group of girls. “Since none of you seem capable of having a conversation that involves anything but gossip, I think I’ll go and eat my lunch with someone else.”
“Careful you don’t trip and fall in a trashcan again, Granny,” the one with the hoop earrings said and snickered.
As the girls laughed among themselves, I shook my head and moved away.
“Children,” I mumbled with disappointment. This task of getting Emma friends was turning out to be more complicated than I had anticipated. Mentally adding the girls to my list of people who needed help to develop empathy, I called for my sisters again, but this time only Miracle appeared.
“What’s wrong now?” she asked with an expression of concern.
“I’m trying to get Emma new friends, but it’s like every student in this school is rude and self-absorbed. What happened?”
“What do you mean what happened? There were always selfish teenagers around, but plenty are lovely if you get to know them one on one.” Miracle moved closer to me. “And, Karma, stop talking out loud. You know I can hear your thoughts and people think you’re talking to yourself.”
Sitting down at a free table, I chewed on another carrot. Look at this. Have you ever seen a carrot this small? Something isn’t right with this generation. Gaia would be horrified if she could see it.
Miracle lifted her shoulder to her right ear. “Just try a little harder to fix things for Emma. Right now, you’re making them worse. Sitting at a table eating by yourself makes you look socially inept.”
I gave her a sharp look and opened my mouth to answer, but Miracle beat me to it.
“Others can’t see me, remember?”
Turning my head to look over my shoulder, I saw William walking hand in hand with his girlfriend Caroline. He saw me but looked the other way. Behind them, Kate and some of the other girls from Emma’s basketball team trailed along, all of them passing by close enough that they had to see me, but they pretended not to.
That’s the girl Kate that I talked about. She’s right there with the braids, I communicated to Miracle, but she seemed completely uninterested.
“I can’t keep coming every time you need someone to eat lunch with. Focus on Emma and stay on the task. Your mind is clouded by Emma’s insecurities and memories, but you’re Karma. There’s nothing you can’t do if you set your mind to it.”
Then why does it feel like a Herculean task to find a single friend for Emma in this school?
“Oh, please, you’ve only just begun and there’s always basketball. Surely, you can make someone on the team love Emma.”
Just then a group of students walked past. Miracle straightened up a little. “Ooh, what about that girl with the black and purple hair? Her name is May and she’s one of my favorites at this school. Her and Emma would be a great match, except...” Miracle seemed to think about it. “I’m not sure May has the best impression of Emma. She thinks of her as a bit boring.”
“I can fix that,” I said with confidence and watched my sister wave and disappear, hoping that I was right.
CHAPTER 8
Practice
Karma
My optimism that basketball practice would be better than lunch was quickly dampened when I felt my steps getting increasingly heavier the closer I got to the gym area. Sitting in the locker room, I reminded myself that this was Emma’s anxiety and not mine. The girls around me quickly changed into their practice uniforms and headed for the gym while I stayed behind.
Taking a minute, I sat on an empty bench and closed my eyes to relax my muscles, tensed up from my shallow breathing. It was rare for me to get upset, but caught up in the intensity of Emma’s emotions, I felt anger towards the girls that made her feel this way every day.
After changing into my basketball clothes, I entered the gym, where most girls on the team were already on the court warming up. I took a minute to study the social dynamics among the twelve girls who were split into groups. One group was shooting around while the other stood in an intimate circle dribbling their balls and talking. The first girl to catch my attention was the one standing awkwardly outside the circle peering in. To my surprise her aura stood out to me. Not in the clear way that I was used to, but as a light shimmer surrounding her.
