It was past eight o’clock when I finally walked into Emma’s house. After shrugging out of my jacket, I rounded the corner to the kitchen and found Julie, Mathew, and William sitting at the dining table with grave expressions on their faces.

  “Emma, come sit down,” Julie said.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked but then my breath hitched in my throat. On the table lay a piece of paper that I recognized right away. It was Emma’s suicide letter.

  CHAPTER 17

  Hard Talks

  Karma

  I walked to the dining table and took a seat next to William, who kept his head down and didn’t meet my eyes.

  “Honey, we need to have a serious talk.” Julie leaned across the table, placing her hand on top of mine.

  My eyes fell to Emma’s suicide letter that lay at the center of the table and I exhaled deeply. Those were Emma’s thoughts and feelings, not mine. I had hoped this could be a discussion she could one day have with her family – when she was ready.

  “Your mother found this in your room, which has us very concerned. It’s like we don’t know what’s going on in your life.” Matthew’s face was stern, and he folded and unfolded his arms in front of him while moving in his chair.

  “After I found... this,” Julie’s eyes switched quickly to the letter and then to William, who sat quietly, “I felt like I had no idea what was going on in your lives, so I went to search in William’s room and found... those.” She nodded to a pack of condoms to his left.

  “Mom and I have already talked to William about his consequences,” Matthew informed without looking at his son. “He will be grounded for the next six weeks, and we will be talking to Caroline’s parents.”

  Their words triggered something inside me. “I don’t see the problem. Will is of a legal age of consent. If he and Caroline feel ready to take that step in their relationship, then isn’t that between them?”

  All three of them looked at me as if I’d suddenly spoken in an alien language.

  Matthew’s expression hardened, “You can drop that attitude, young lady.”

  Julie’s tone was much softer, as if walking on eggshells around me. “You’re not the one in trouble, honey, William is because he messed up. He could’ve gotten her pregnant.”

  “I think the purpose of the condoms was to prevent pregnancy. I’m surprised that you are angry and not proud parents that you raised a son responsible enough to protect himself and his partner.”

  William stared at me, while Matthew cut through in a hard tone, “As long as you two live under this roof, you will follow our rules.”

  “Are you saying that your rules are above the law of this country? And can you honestly say that you’re not asking something of William that you couldn’t live up to yourself? How old were you when you lost your virginities? You can’t tell me you never broke rules when you were teenagers.”

  Julie looked from me to William and back. “We didn’t know better when we were your age. And neither do you. That’s why we are trying to protect and guide you.”

  “Thank you. I see your good intentions and how much you care about us, but Will is young and in love. He’s going to have sex with his girlfriend whether you like it or not. Wouldn’t you prefer they do it in his bedroom with a condom, than to be in a car or forest somewhere where they could get arrested for sex in public?”

  William was still watching me with confusion on his face as if he didn’t understand why I was involving myself in his fight.

  Matthew thundered, “William is too young to understand the consequences of his actions, just like I was at his age.”

  “It turned out well enough for you, Dad. You always say that Mom is the love of your life,” William argued. “Besides, Caroline and I are being responsible and using protection.”

  “Dad and I have said what needs to be said on the subject. William is grounded for six weeks, and Caroline’s parents will have to administer her punishment. The best protection against unwanted pregnancies will always be abstinence,” Julie said and placed her hand on the letter.

  I leaned back in my seat and shot William a look of sympathy. He was eighteen and adult enough to vote and make important decisions for himself. For Julie and Matthew to meddle in his sex life seemed like an unnecessary conflict to me.

  “When did you write this letter, Emma?” Julie asked me, her tone softening.

  “Tuesday night after I fell into the trash container at school.”

  “Maybe William should leave the table,” Matthew muttered low to Julie.

  “No, we are a family, and this involves all of us.” She turned back to me. “Were you planning to harm yourself, honey?”

  I chose honesty. “Yes.”

  They paled and sat for a moment in silence. William asking in a low tone, “You’re not serious, are you?”

  With a nod to the letter, I told them, “I didn’t go through with it, but everything I wrote in that letter is how I felt at that moment.”

  Julie closed her eyes and Matthew, who sat next to her, rubbed her back in a soothing way. With a tone much gentler than when he spoke about William’s situation, he asked me. “Why didn’t you talk to us, sweetheart?”

  “I’ve tried. But when I do you shut me down.”

  “That’s not true,” he defended himself.

  “Last week when I flipped out and slammed my door, you yelled at me and made it all worse. When I’m upset, it doesn’t help me when you ask if I’m being emotional because I’m on my period.”

  Matthew’s head jerked back a little. “Are you saying I should accept slamming doors in my house? You know I don’t tolerate that type of behavior. What if we all walked around slamming doors and screaming at each other? Can you blame me for getting angry when you and Will fight all the time?”

  I felt sorry for Emma and did my best to speak for her. “Maybe the slamming doors is a signal that something is seriously off. When was the last time you came and talked to me... like really talked? When you talk to me it’s always about homework, grades, basketball, or you’re bugging me to clean my room. How about if you talked to me about other things for a change?”

  “What things?” Matthew asked.

  “I don’t know... normal things, like how I’m feeling inside? What my dreams are, how badly I miss Grammy, and what I think of veganism.”

  “Veganism?” William wrinkled his nose up. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those people.”

  “I might be, but you wouldn’t know since you never ask me about anything.”

  “You ate chicken two nights ago,” Julie pointed out.

  With an exasperated sigh, I rubbed my forehead. “Are any of you getting my message?”

  “Yes, you want us to ask you better questions,” Julie answered.

  “I want us all to take the time to show that we care about each other,” I clarified. “I’m tired of fighting with Will and I’ve been feeling incredibly lonely.”

  “But I don’t understand,” Julie cried. “You have friends. Your phone is always lighting up with snaps and until we read your letter, we thought you enjoyed playing basketball.”

  “Those aren’t my friends. At best the people sending me weird photos are acquaintances.”

  With a stern look on his face, Matthew reached for my phone. “What kind of weird photos? Let me see. If someone is sending my daughter dick pics, I want to know about it?”

  “No, these photos are boring. Look.” I showed some of the many photos I’d received today. “What even is that?”

  Matthew angled his head. “I’m not sure. A foot maybe?”

  William leaned over to see. “Streaks are supposed to be random, weird pictures. You send them too.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe I do, but at this moment I find them the most impersonal and empty way of communicating. When I wrote that letter I felt completely alone. I didn’t feel that I could reach out to a single person.

  “Honey, you need to promise us that you’ll never act on that loneliness. It’s natural to be confused and stressed when you’re a teenager. Heaven knows that I was a mess half the time.” Julie took my hand again. “But if something happened to either you or William, our lives would be shattered. Even when you don’t feel it, Dad and I love you unconditionally.

  The way her eyes were pleading and moist made me emotional.

  “I’m doing what I can to become happier,” I assured them. “But high school is a toxic place to be.”

  “What are you talking about? High school was the best years of my life. Just wait until you get into the real world,” Matthew said and received a stern look from Julie.

  “No, it wasn’t,” she said. “You just remember the best parts. And what is Emma supposed to do with a statement like that? Huh? If she’s already feeling depressed and you’re telling her that high school is the best part of life, then you’re also saying that things will go down from here on out. That’s not exactly encouraging.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Stop putting words in my mouth.” Mathew raked his hands through his hair.

  William sat with one elbow on the table and his head resting in his hand. “High school sucks.”

  “So does learning that your children aren’t being honest with you,” Mathew exclaimed.

  “Maybe we would be honest if you didn’t punish us for it,” I suggested.

  “We would never punish you for being honest. The reason we’re grounding William for six weeks is because Mom found the condoms in his room. He’s been lying to us.”

  “No, I haven’t. I just don’t ask about your sex life, and I prefer not to involve you in mine. The fact that Mom snooped around in my room is worse than what I did. When she asked me if the condoms were mine and if I was sexually active, I didn’t lie about it, did I?”

  “No,” Julie admitted. “You didn’t even seem ashamed of it.”

  “Of course not. I’m not a kid so why wouldn’t I have sex with my girlfriend?”

  “You’re not married or engaged, that’s why,” Julie emphasized.

  William dropped his head. “C’mon. We already talked about the fact that you two weren’t married or engaged when you slept together for the first time. You’ve never been super religious, so why is it so important to you?”

  “Because we don’t want to see you in a bad situation. Young love leads to unplanned pregnancies, which can change the course of your life dramatically. It did for us.” Matthew exchanged a look with Julie. “Are we done here?”

  “Yes, almost.” Squeezing my hand Julie informed me, “Tomorrow, I’m contacting your school counselor, and Dad and I have talked about getting you a psychologist as well. We want to make sure that you have all the support you need and that you don’t find yourself in a desperate situation again.”

  I took a deep breath and dipped my chin. “Okay.” Although I already felt like I had made a difference in Emma’s life, I supported the idea of her talking to someone about her problems. After my days at the high school, I thought everyone there would benefit from focusing on their mental health more.

  Mathew planted a kiss on my head before he left the table and Julie embraced me in a warm hug.

  “Don’t ever forget that we love you,” she whispered in my ear.

  William left the table without a word, but an hour later when I lay on my bed texting with Ty, he popped his head in.

  “Hey, sis,”

  “Yes?” I raised my head from my pillow.

  “Don’t kill yourself, okay?”

  “Why not? I thought you didn’t like me much anyway,” I said with a wry smile.

  “I don’t. But I don’t want to lose you either. I’m planning on you to take care of Mom and Dad when they’re old.” He winked and smiled to let me know he was being sarcastic.

  “I see. Well, in that case I’d better stick around to make life easier on you.”

  “Yeah. And about that thing with me and Caroline; it was pretty cool how you tried to help me.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  My phone lit up again.

  “More streaks?” William asked and nodded to my phone on the bed.

  With a secretive smile, I picked it up. “No, I’m actually texting with a guy that I like.”

  “Who?” He opened the door a little wider and moved a bit forward.

  “I’m not saying.”

  “Is it that guy Jacob who used to bike past our house five times a day just to see you?”

  “That was back in seventh grade and no, it’s not Jacob.”

  “Is he a junior or senior?”

  “A senior.”

  “Tell me it’s not one of my friends.”

  “I don’t think you’re cool enough to be friends with this guy,” I teased.

  In two long steps, William was by my bed trying to snatch the phone from me. “Tell me who it is.”

  “No.” I laughed and held the phone away from him. Being bigger and stronger he climbed on top of me and wrestled the phone from my hand.

  His confusion was complete when he asked, “Who is your assistant coach?”

  “Someone who is going to help me teach my fourth-grade rec team.”

  “Ah, so he’s on the basketball team? That narrows it down.”

  “He’s not.”

  Getting off me, William stood with my phone and read the last texts between Ty and me.

  “He’s hard-core flirting with you.”

  “I know.”

  “Tell him to send a picture so I can see if I recognize him.”

  “No. That would be weird since I know who he is.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. If you ask for a picture, he’ll probably send you one of him shirtless or a dick pic.” William gave me back my phone and walked back to the door. Just before he exited, he said, “It’s nice to see you happy though.”

  I smiled wide. “Thank you.”

  Internally, I did another celebratory victory dance. Emma now had two new friends in Ebony and Ty, and potentially a third in Chris. Her parents were aware that she wasn’t doing well, and she would get professional help. And lastly, Emma’s relationship with her brother had improved.

  Things might not be perfect for Emma, but they were a lot better than when she sat devastated in that bathtub a week ago.

  With pride I sent a thought to my sisters, thanking them for intervening when they did. Are you pleased with my work now?

  Miracle appeared before me and sat down on the bed; her expression was more serious than usual. “Yes, we’re pleased with Emma’s progress, but you shouldn’t have summoned Dion.” She was dressed in a purple velvety dress that fell tight to her body.

  “I didn’t mean to,” I defended myself. “We’ve talked about him before without him showing up.

  Reading my mind, Miracle shook her head. “He’s not coming again. I already faced him when he came to confront me about meddling with his area of responsibility.”

  I felt my heart speed up. “Tell me you didn’t surrender Emma to him.”

  “Of course not, but you need to wrap things up and get home fast. Dion was so furious that he threatened to trap you long enough for Emma to go mad.” She looked to the wall with joy notes and sighed. “This time he won’t play nice.”

  I sat up and looked into Miracle’s gorgeous eyes. “He can’t do that, can he? Trap me, I mean.”

  She bit her lower lip. “I’m not sure. I thought about asking Gaia, but I prefer she doesn’t know about his threats. She might be calm and loving most of the time, but you know how her temper sometimes gets the better of her. It’s better if they don’t get into another fight. The last time he upset Gaia, she caused a volcano to erupt.”

  “Yeah, I don’t blame her. Dion has that talent.”

  Picking up a magazine from the desk, Miracle muttered, “He’s not all bad.”

  “Of course not. He’s the essence of polarity, but be careful of his dark side, sister. Dion said your name with an almost possessive ring to it.”

  Miracle put the magazine down and let her gaze dart around as if the walls of Emma’s teenage room were the most fascinating thing she had ever seen. She didn’t fool me. I knew she didn’t want me to read her eyes.

  “Is it true that you bartered with him for a child’s life?”

  Her brow lowered but she didn’t reply.

  “Miracle, be honest. Dion implied that he and you have slept together.”

  “He told you?” She looked horrified.

  “So, it’s true? Why didn’t you ever tell me? I thought sex was something we left to the humans.”

  Her shoulders sank. “It’s been a small eternity since Dion went through his human experience and yet, he still remembers sex as one of the best parts of the physical plane. It’s true, I bartered with him but that was a long time ago. Gaia and Dion were caught in that awful fight that lasted a century and caused the plague to break out. Remember how you and I tried to calm things and make them stop but every time we thought we succeeded, one of them took another stab at the other. I couldn’t stand how good and innocent people were dying left and right.”

  “It wasn’t the end for them. They were all reincarnated," I pointed out.

  "Yes, but there was one little girl.” Her eyes glazed over. “She had an important life plan, and I knew that she would grow up to inspire others. I couldn’t let Dion take her.”

  “So you let him blackmail you into sex?”

  Miracle’s hand fiddled with her neck. “In a way you could say that I blackmailed him, but then Dion has a way of...” She didn’t finish her sentence.

  “Is he blackmailing you again with Emma?”

  Without answering, Miracle rose from her seat on the bed and moved to my side. Caressing my face, she spoke in a soft tone. “Don’t worry about it, sister. I think Emma can take over again. We need you back.”

  “Then tell Gaia to make the swap.”

  “Without telling her about Dion’s threats, I can’t explain why we’re not sticking to the plan of one full week. Give Emma one more day and then call for Gaia and tell her that things are back on track for Emma.”

  “I will, and in the meantime, stay away from Dion.”

  Miracle wrapped her right hand around her left wrist. “I’ll do my best.”

 

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