Falling animals, p.1
Falling Animals, page 1
FALLING ANIMALS
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
How To Gut A Fish
for my parents
What am I doing here, says the old strong voice,
the wave reaching and snatching
around the pinnacles, faltering and returning
to fling its quilt across the sloping stone
where in the softer days the seal took a rest;
so it wells up, squirting up roses in its fall,
trying again, the awful repeated recoil,
and where is truth under the slamming and roaring,
it wants to know, and where,
where is pity now? Gone below,
wiped from the view, and indeed
what has happened to time, as the day’s news
is repeated, bellowing like the storm?
Eiléan Ní Chuilleanáin, ‘The Skelligs: In the Storm’
‘It’s no fish ye’re buying – it’s men’s lives.’
Sir Walter Scott, The Antiquary
CONTENTS
ONE the collector
the witness
the doctor
the son
the driver
the wanderer
TWO the seaman
the cook
the firestarter
the diver
the artist
the barman
THREE the widow
the guard
the priest
the fallen
the daughter
the dead
Author’s Note
A Note on the Author
ONE
the collector
First, there is a seal with no eyes.
It is a spring tide, the beach is shrinking to a silvery half-moon, and the sheets of rock above the tideline are turning black with the unfamiliar spray. Out over the deep water, the dawn light is stretched out and thin; only the iron tip of a shipwreck is visible above the waves. Further out, the tent pole of a lighthouse props up the sky, and from there, the horizon curves into a horseshoe, all the way around the world and back to the dark anchor of the eyeless seal.
A white van is making its way down the narrow, green-spined road to the deserted beach. In the soft, unsteady sand, each turn the driver makes must be a slow and careful adjustment, as the shifting forest of dunes is precarious at the best of times. Harsh winters have lashed chunks out of them, and each day the shoreline morphs and changes further. A recent summer storm has left debris above the tideline: the delicate shells of sea urchins and clumps of orange-brown seaweed, as thick as matted hair.
The driver left with the early August dawn to get to the beach before the first walkers appeared. He drives cautiously; a few wheel-spinning moments in the dunes had set his heart pounding. There will be a man with a tractor to pull him out if he gets stuck – there is always a man with a tractor around, collecting oysters from the half-submerged traps – but Frank is booked in for a drop-off at the incinerator before lunch, and a delay would mean more paperwork.
He tries to park as close to the carcass as he can. Through the windscreen, the seal looks so pristine it might have just pulled itself out of the ocean to rest, propped up in an alert position, empty eye sockets staring blankly out to sea. Closer up there will be flies, he knows from experience, squirming things to pull the seeds of life from death. The county council usually ignore these strandings, if they hear about them at all; they are happy to wait for the animal to quietly decompose or leave on the next tide. But this seal, a casualty of the storm, has wedged itself firmly between two small mounds of rock above the shoreline and seems determined to cling on. The village overlooking the beach is teeming with tourists, with delicate stomachs and a tendency to complain, so Frank has been sent to remove what the sea will not wash away.
A gust snatches the van door out of his hands; he lets it close on top of himself, using his hips to catch the heavy force of the swing. He pulls his kit out of the van, a tarpaulin unfurling to whip in the wind like a thick, black spinnaker. Gloves. Face mask. Shovel. Bungee cords. Disinfectant. The hydraulics wheeze as the rear ramp lowers; it catches on one side, but he stamps on it with his boots until it is level with the beach. He weighs the tarp down with some metal straps and goes closer to inspect the carcass. A pair of red-beaked gulls lift their heads and scream at him as he approaches, clattering their way into the air, disappearing behind swathes of marram grass further up the beach.
Up close, the seal’s skin is sleek-dark, but swollen, like a burnt sausage; islands of black floating on cracks of red lava. The empty, gull-pecked sockets are deep tunnels shaded with garnet. He reaches out a boot and taps the bulky body – once, twice, and again with the other foot – to get a sense of the weight and heft of it. Thankfully, the days following the unseasonable storm have been scorching hot, so the sun and salt have dried the carcass out. Many years hauling fallen livestock has taught him that cattle and horses are prone to leakage. Sheep with heavy winter wool are the worst, like a kitchen sponge that looks bone dry but spills out foulness once lifted. Frank considers just loosening the seal enough for it to roll back down the beach, to feed the crabs and little lives of the ocean. But the council expects an invoice from the incinerator, so a seal he must produce.
As the shrouded sun appears above the cliffs, he begins to tease the sand around the seal with his shovel. He breathes through his masked mouth as he works, testing and loosening, peeling the carcass away from the sand. As he suspected, the underside has begun to blister and rot. If the sand is fouled deeply enough, he will need to take a layer of it away with him too. Sandhoppers emerge as he disturbs the scene, their small, fingernail bodies unfolding and leaping Olympic heights into the air. Crabs too, greedy little things still grabbing clawfuls of flesh as his spade comes down a hair’s breadth from them. He splits one cleanly in two; its brain doesn’t immediately realise it is dead, and both claws still extend and return to their half of the alien mouth.
He goes back to the van and gathers up the black tarp. Lays it out alongside the carcass. Levers the hind flippers up with the blunt edge of his shovel, kicks the heavy material further underneath them. The seal rocks and settles on the tarp, and its empty eye sockets catch the rising sun as it batters its way out from under the clouds. The redness of them surprises him – bright crimson rather than brown and old, as if a heart was still beating slowly somewhere.
He heaves one end of the tarp until the seal is face down, rolling the carcass up like a fat cigar. The seal’s skin is as crisp as the surface of an iced pond; his gloved palms leave grooves of damage in the blubber. He folds the tarp over the ends and secures it with bungee cords. The wrapped shroud marks a gully in the sand behind it as he drags it over to the van. The weight seems concentrated, as if there is a weight deep in the seal’s stomach and the layers of fat and skin around it are all to protect a cold, iron core.
When the carcass is neatly packed away, Frank stops to catch his breath in the strengthening wind. In the distance, there are already a few Sunday-morning walkers trickling down the steep beach path, below a line of caravans that poke up from the cliff like teeth in a black jawbone. The sun has pulled visitors from all over the country; whole families have arrived with their bikes and barbeques and dogs and noise. The village on the cliffs, usually sullen and grey, is basking in the heat like a dozing lizard.
Last week’s storm seems distant now, as if it happened in a different country. He had heard the howl of the wind from his bedroom, even far inland, so the ferocity on the north-west coastline, in this exposed place, must have been awesome. He had almost roused his wife to listen to it, but had instead dozed off again, drifting on the steady whum-whum of the gusts. He wonders if it was the waves or the wind that forced his seal out of the water. About half a kilometre inland are the remains of a whale’s skeleton, where rocks shaped like bones, or bones shaped like rocks, fall in rough formation. How far would the sea have to rise to drop it there? Even today’s spring tide falls well short and still has the wild border of dunes to cover. As he considers the distances, he sips from the flask of tea his wife made for him sometime during the night and feels the dull stirring of his affection for her, like the shifting of continents.
While he worked, the high tide has slipped away to reveal a distant sandbank. Out there, chunks of the shipwreck are beginning to emerge, revealing the remains of iron ribs and a fragmented hull. Black, glossy seals lollop out of the water on to the sand beside it, turning to stare at him curiously. He raises two fingers to the animals: an acknowledgement of their loss, an apology for disturbing their fallen comrade. He picks up his shovel and goes back to attack the stained soil that was underneath the carcass. Traces an extended outline with the sharp edge of the blade, pulling it behind him in a large circle. Digs into the marked-off space, lifts dark, iodine sods and turns them over.
After a quarter of an hour he takes another break. The sand is stonier than it looks, he is older than he feels, and he has raised a sweat. At the far side of fifty, Frank now only does the odd call-out, leaving the rest to the younger boys – the ones who can laugh as they wash the blood and gore off, who can keep a wall in their heads between the slaughter yard and the other parts of their lives. He comes in for the drop-offs and paperwork, and then home again to a kitchen where reds and browns are the untainted colours of garden flowers and his wife’s freshly baked bread.
Halfway along the visible sliver of beach is an outcrop of rocks that juts from the cliffs, bending downwards into the wate r. A figure in a wetsuit is feeling its way up the steps cut out of the rock. The swimmer moves out along the edge, a reversed silhouette against the landscape. Further inland, there is not enough light yet to excavate gullies and cliffs; the mountains are grey-green against the sky with no real depth to them. Frank reaches out his arm and traces them as if he is holding a scalpel, half-expecting the canvas to fall away, revealing the wooden shafts of the backdrop. The swimmer on the rocks bends to slap at the water with the palm of his hand, then wets the back of his neck.
The faint sound of whirring passes overhead as a helicopter swings wide above the lighthouse, around the village squatting on the cliffs, and disappears inland behind a bank of clouds. Frank finds himself glad, so glad, that his passengers don’t wear clothes and shoes, don’t have pale-shocked husbands or wailing mothers standing by as he pulls them from where they have fallen. Once, he was called out after a thunderstorm, when a stallion had slipped its line and leapt from a cliff, white-eyed and wild with terror. Its owner said it jumped so high it had almost, almost flown.
He turns back to the half-dug circle of ashy sand. Behind him there is a splash as the swimmer enters the water.
Before he leaves, he sprays the sand with disinfectant, and watches carefully as the sandhoppers scatter away from the light mist, a handful writhing and dying on the freshly turned surface. The gulls glare at him from a safe distance away. He sits on the ramp of the van for a moment to finish his steel flask of tea, pulls off his gloves and rubs lavender-scented lotion into his fingers. He turns his head from side to side until the bones at the bottom of his neck crack in a soft, unsatisfying way. The swimmer in the water is breast-stroking out to a distant marker, their capped head like the angry tip of a boil jutting from the waves. He drains his flask and stands to leave.
The tide has slipped away further, and the marks left by his van’s wheels are clear and stark above the tideline. Frank tries to return across the beach along the same path, lining the wheels up with the tyre tracks, but it is impossible; the new ruts are deeper than the old with the added weight of the seal. In the front of the van, a pine air freshener bobs on a length of elastic, but the smell has long been used up, breath by breath by breath.
Behind him, all along the exposed beach, black dots of birds search the glint and melt of the stranded clumps of seaweed. The sand uncovered by the tide becomes wind-rippled, like a bared sheet of muscle. At the southerly edge of the beach, silt-rich drainage water seeps from the cliff down a rocky channel and into the ocean. It is barely a trickle in the summer, but in winter it floods and seethes with run-off, cutting out a new shape every time it gushes across the sand like a floodplain. Along the edges, a line of translucent sandhoppers are leaping from the space where a seal’s carcass once lay, slow and careful jumps, from one pile of seaweed to the next, searching, moving in a black procession towards the dunes.
At the top of the stream, where the water disappears into vertical cracks in the sheer cliff, there is a sagging of marram grass, a clearing that has been flattened by the unexpected weight of a body. The man in the dunes is sitting serenely, legs crossed at the ankles and fingers interlaced, as if he is simply resting, two half-lidded eyes staring out to sea. The gulls are still circling, cautious after the van’s departure, unsure if the intruder with the shovel will return. But they will eventually grow brave again, brave enough to investigate, as the morning light falls strangely on a day-old face.
the witness
The swimmer dives from the rocks into the freezing water and explodes like a depth charge. A few heartbeats later he surfaces, gasping, shaking the water from his face.
From the beach, Oona watches her grandson tread water, panting as he waits for the cold shock to pass. There are leapers and there are creepers, he once told her: those who get it over with in one go, and those that creep into the water, step by step, letting each part of their body adjust. She herself has always believed that change will come, one way or another, but there is no need to leap headfirst into uncertainty.
She counts her steps as she walks along the beach and breathes deeply, letting her chest fill up with the tight chill before the heat of the day arrives in earnest. Her grandson keeps pace with her, erupting out of the water in a butterfly stroke then disappearing again. These Sunday-morning swims have become a ritual for the two of them, ever since her heart began to flicker and gasp last year. The doctor prescribed a palmful of drugs, her grown children prescribed a regime of fruit and yoga; these weekly walks are the compromise, a way of keeping the peace.
Further up the beach, a white van passes parallel to her, weaving around lumps of cast-out seaweed and scribbles of driftwood. She tries to get the driver’s attention, points towards the darker, firmer sand that would give the tyres a better grip. But the driver ignores her and continues towards the narrow path up the cliffs, the wheels throwing up fountains of grey powder. Oona shakes her head at this recklessness. She often sees cars lodged in the sand, wheels spinning, especially in the summer when tourists try to drive straight down on to the beach and instead get caught in the dunes. She watches them heave and struggle, and if the mood takes her, she calls for one of the oyster farmers to pull them out. If not, she leaves them arguing in her wake.
Up on the cliff, a handful of caravan roofs are glinting in the sun, and the car park will soon fill up. The village beyond is still shaded – cold, draughty buildings that spiral away from the seafront like the whorl of a shell; at its centre, a café, a pub and a small supermarket arranged around an empty green. Most of the other shops remain shuttered, even years after the worst of the recession. The docks that used to swarm with fishing boats are empty now, and the thick fug of salt and blood has long faded. A newly opened motorway sweeps north and south to the main destinations, cutting the village off like a dried-up oxbow lake.
But it is summer now and in summer the tourists still manage to wriggle in, as inevitable as rats to a barn. The caravan park fills up, tents sprout like cabbages, and the half-empty housing estate on the hill bursts into life. In warm weather, the beach is black with people, and even on cold days there are swimmers in thick robes and too-loud voices, their hair shaggy with salt. The handful of guesthouses are bursting at the seams and the buses that stop on the cliff seem to disgorge more and more people each day.
Oona finds it disconcerting: she might walk from one end of the village to the other without seeing a single person she knows. She has lived in the village for seventy-odd years and knows it by heart: every scrap of the ground, every rumour and fireside story, every branching of bloodlines, witnessed every triumph and every loss. The politicians talk about tourism as the life force of the community, but as she sees it, they manage perfectly well for nine months of the year without strangers tramping and littering and shrieking and letting their dogs shit everywhere.
But she has the beach to herself, for now, another reason she insists on coming so early; they will be home by the time the children arrive to dig furrows and trace their initials in the sand. She lengthens her stride to step over the wet splatter of a lion’s-mane jellyfish, red veins fanned out like the spokes of an umbrella. There was a time when a jellyfish cast up on the shore was an interesting thing, worth a poke with a stick, but the last few years the water has been seething with them, the beach glowing electric-blue with man o’ wars. They ride on the warm-blooded storms that nip and change the coastline, and the newspapers proclaim doom and gloom. But there were worse storms when Oona was growing up, storms that washed whole buildings into the sea. Her own mother had the roof blown off the farmhouse when she was a child, and there were worse heatwaves then too, summers so hot her skin blistered off her back. But nobody wants to hear it: her children and grandchildren roll their eyes at her and predict the end of the world.
She raises her hand to salute as the coastguard’s helicopter passes in another slow loop, then heads back towards the distant inland airport. A training exercise: it is too early in the day for there to be a kayaker caught by the tide or a child stranded on an inflatable raft. She glances out to sea to check on her grandson, finds his yellow hat and black goggles amongst the white horses. In the water, he surfaces to reorient himself against the distant mountains, then dives under again.
