Hot and cold, p.1
Hot & Cold, page 1
HOT & COLD
SHAYNA ASTOR
Edited by HEARTS FULL OF READS
Edited by NICE GIRL NAUGHTY EDITS
Cover Designer COFFIN PRINT
Formatting GARNET CHRISTIE
Hot & Cold
Copyright © 2021 Shayna Astor
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, locations, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual person, living or deceased, or actual events, is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotation in book reviews. For more information, address shaynaastorauthor@gmail.com.
CONTENTS
From the Author
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Epilogue
Content Warning
Preview of Own Me
Acknowledgments
About the Author
FROM THE AUTHOR
Hot & Cold is a full-length, stand alone that features strong language, mature situations, and explicit sexual scenes. Reader discretion is advised, and this book is intended for readers age 18 and up.
Thank you so much for reading my novel! I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it!
To my husband—
My very own college sweetheart.
CHAPTER 1
"I can't believe we're never going to see each other again." The wistfulness of Lauren's voice doesn't match the death grip she has around my shoulders. A warm breeze wraps its delicate tendrils around us where we sit in a secluded section of the park, the only sounds the gentle waves and distant squeals of children.
Carefully, I push her off. "What are you talking about? Of course, we'll see each other again. We're just going away to college."
"I know, but it won't be the same. It won't be every day."
"No, it won't be, but we can talk daily, right?"
"It's not the same." Tears shimmer in her hazel eyes. Lauren’s always been so emotional, having cried at least once every week all summer due to our upcoming departure for college. Which, surprisingly, is only a few days away. However, I'm not as emotional of a person. Of course, I'll miss my best friend, but if I cry about it, it won't be until I'm in my car driving away.
"But it will make it so much better when we're together again," I try to offer her a tiny morsel of happiness.
"We've seen each other every single day for fifteen years."
Though exaggerating a bit, she's right. Fifteen years ago, I moved to our small town in upstate New York. My parents and I met the family down the road who had a little girl a few months younger than me. We instantly clicked and haven't parted ways since. Even when we didn't have classes together, even when we fell into different social circles in middle school that inevitably rolled into high school, we always had each other.
Flinging my arm over her narrow shoulders, I hug her close. "We'll visit, and we'll talk every day. It won't be the same, but it will be great."
"Please, just promise me you'll meet some guys. I won't be there to introduce you."
"Introduce me? Don't you mean force me?" A smile spreads across my face as I bump my shoulder into hers.
"Force is a strong word."
"Is surprise better?"
"Eh, maybe. Oh, Lexie, I just want you to not be such an introvert all the time. Parties are fun. Boys are fun…or at least they can be, if enjoyed properly." A wicked smile stretches across her lips as she winks at me.
I roll my eyes. Partying or the company of others, especially of the male variety, has never sounded as appealing as a good book to me. The tendency to put my foot in my mouth and blurt something truly embarrassing around them is usually profound. Especially, good-looking ones. That is, of course, when I can say anything at all. Sometimes I get so nervous I'm basically a mute.
"I promise I'll try." Try being the key word.
"I guess that's all I can ask for."
I giggle before turning somber. "There's the slightest chance I'll miss the sneak attack set-ups, though."
"Don't think I won't be coming for an early visit and doing some recon work to figure out who to set you up with." Lauren points a long finger at me, her purple nail polish impeccable.
"Oh, I'd never doubt you for a second."
Tilting our heads together, her straight blonde strands and my dark brown curls overlap and weave together in the wind. Lauren and I have been talking about this day for years.
How we would want to spend our last days together before we head to college. Separately.
Sitting on the edge of the park, looking out over the river with our end of summer treat was our top priority. We've done this every year since we were five, when our moms brought us to this very park and bought us ice-cream from the same shop a week before we started kindergarten. It became our tradition, something we both looked forward to before every new school year.
This year, it's bittersweet.
While we still have a few days until we leave for our respective schools, family obligations and packing are the priority, which doesn't leave us a lot of time to spend together. In fact, today is our last day.
We sit in silence, eating our ice-cream, watching the gentle waves lapping the shore, the ripples spanning the water. Every so often, a boat will pass by. There are kids yelling and playing on the playground a few yards away, but it's calm and peaceful, this quiet observation of the ebb and flow below us, while orange and pink hues decorate the sky.
We've spent a lot of time staring out at the river, either at this spot or a few others we like to frequent. This place sports as our destructive playground—we visit here to talk, to throw things into the dark abyss after one of Lauren’s heartbreaks, and much more. The water is forgiving, understanding. You can disperse your thoughts, troubles, and fears into it, and watch them disappear.
Looking at the rise and fall against the rocks, I think about my fears. I'm going off to a brand-new school where I know nobody and can be anybody. I'm excited, but I'm also really nervous. The two emotions work like strings through my body, twisting into a ball, sitting heavy in my stomach and leaving me with a slight tremor.
Lauren won't be there to help me break the silence that tends to exist between me and others. Can I do it on my own?
I know nothing about my roommate. Despite reaching out repeatedly, I've gotten nothing in return. Not even when I said I wanted to try to plan for a fridge and TV. Instead, my parents bought me both, figuring I could at least have my own. Closing my eyes, I let my fears shroud the water, as Lauren and I have always done. It makes us feel better—this superstition.
After dark settles around us and chirping crickets mingle with the soft sounds of the waves, I drive us back to my house. The large colonial sits on its own small hill as we linger in the driveway for a few minutes, not knowing how to say goodbye now that the time has finally arrived.
How do you say goodbye to your best friend of fifteen years and consider it enough? Sure, we'll see each other and talk all the time, but it's going to be so different. The confidence I felt while at the park washed away with the tide.
Thankfully, Lauren never lets me feel awkward and unsure for too long. Running around to my side of the car, she wraps me in a bear hug, pulling me close to her. "Oh, Lexie, I'm going to miss you so much!"
"I'm going to miss you too, Laur." The sting in my eyes surprises me.
She pulls back and pushes my curls behind my shoulders, a move I've always claimed something a sister would do. "Please promise me you'll try to make friends. I know you're shy and nervous, but you're such an amazing person and friend. Let other people get to know you. And I don't even mean boys. I mean, yeah, you should definitely include some, but just don't be a recluse. Meet people. Please."
"I will, Laur. I promise."
She looks at me skeptically, brows knit together, and hazel eyes narrowed.
"What? I will! I promise the first week, I'll try my hardest to make a friend."
"Okay. But trying also means things like leaving your door open and talking to people."
"I know what it means."
"And your roommate doesn't count," Lauren's quick to add this stipulation.
"Um, okay. Fine. I'll agree to those terms."
Her lips stretch into a tender, triumphant smile. I know she's going to be fine at school. She has no problems talking to anybody and everybody. But she's nervous to leave home, having never gone anywhere before. And I know she's worried about me. Lauren thinks she's the only reason I have any friends, though I have many aside from her that I'd managed all on my own. Sure, I'm shy; I prefer to be alone a lo t, but I know how to socialize, even if I'm a little awkward during the process.
Taking my hand, she traces her finger over the wave tattoo on the inside of my wrist as I trace the one I know is on hers. "We'll be okay, Laur. We knew it was coming."
"But so many people lose touch in college. Look at what happened with Theo."
"You said Theo and his friends still get together when they're home."
"Yeah, when they're home! When was the last time you saw Theo home?"
It has been a while since I've seen her older brother. "Alright, that may be true. But we're not Theo. We're not boys. We're us!"
Even though she bobs her head, I can see giant tears welling in her eyes, causing a laugh to rise from my chest.
"Lauren, we'll talk all the time. And we'll see each other in a few months."
Although hesitantly, she nods again. "Okay, you're right. I'm excited, I am. It'll just be so weird not seeing you every day."
"You mean I'll finally get a break? I can't wait!" I'm only partially kidding. I love her, but she can be a bit overbearing at times.
Lauren shoves me gently. "Remember our agreement. You know I'll be checking up on you."
"Yes, I know."
She pulls me into a hug. "I love you, Lex. You're the sister I never had."
"I love you too, Laur." With that, she backs away and starts walking home. When she's turned the bend in the road, I spin around and walk into my house, knowing that the next few days will be filled with some more lasts before I leave. Sure, I'll be back at breaks. I'll be back over summer, but it won't really be the same.
The familiar scent of lilacs infiltrates my nose as I walk into my house. I know I'll miss it all, but I'm amped up about leaving, about going to an unknown place where nobody knows me. I can be whoever I want; I don't have to live in Lauren's shadow. Most of my other friends have already left for school, so we've already said our goodbyes. Besides my parents, Lauren was the last one.
Walking into the living room, I find Mom asleep on the couch. She always tries to stay up for me, and even though it's only ten, she's usually zonked out by now. Smiling, I know that she'll end up waking in an hour or so, checking in on me, and then doing something until the wee morning hours. It's the little things like this that I'll miss the most.
I head up to my room, still decorated like it had been when I was a kid, with a teddy bear border against pink walls, and pack a few more things. Logging in to my computer quickly, I check to see if I have any response from my roommate. Nothing. Sighing frustratedly, I shift to my bed and try to busy my mind with thoughts of all the things waiting for me.
New friends. New environment. New me.
CHAPTER 2
Three days later, Mom and I pile into my car while Dad drives theirs. Mom sits behind the steering wheel as I stare out the window, biting my cuticles, my knee bouncing relentlessly.
"How about some music?"
"Sure, Mom."
"Oh, honey, I know you're nervous, but it's going to be so wonderful! You'll have an amazing time."
"I know. It's just a lot of changes at once."
"Thinking back, my college days were some of the best of my life. You know Mady, we still talk all the time. We met our freshman year." She keeps talking, but I tune out.
The thumping in my ears overpowers her words, the radio, and the whirring of the tires beneath me. Trees and other cars whiz by me, but I barely take in more than their color. The farther from home we get, the more my heart tries to pull me in the opposite direction, like the string that always connected me to home is being stretched. I wonder if it will snap or if it can reach all the way to Bleeker University.
Mom's hand on mine startles me so much I nearly jump out of my seat. "Sorry, sweetheart, I couldn't get your attention. We're going to make a stop for some coffee and maybe something to eat." Her voice is low and calm, like how she used to talk to me when I was sick.
"Okay. Does Daddy know?"
"We just had an entire conversation. Where's your head at?"
"Oh, uh, I don't really know. I guess I'm just really anxious. Thinking about what to expect and all that."
A thousand images have flashed through my mind, both good and bad. Anything from what my roommate might look like to the classes I'll be taking. Which is hard, considering I don't know about any of it.
"Well, have you ever thought about going in with no expectations?"
My eyes narrow and my brow scrunches as I look at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, maybe try going in not expecting anything and just waiting to see what happens and how things go. Allow the process to take over."
"I still don't really understand." How do I do what she's suggesting? I don't even see how it's possible to go in so openly like that. The jitteriness that's been settled in my bones for the past few days only increases.
"You may deny this, but I'm your mother, so I know you pretty well. You put high standards and expectations on things, like college. I know you're nervous because it's new, but I think part of it is also you're afraid it won't live up to what you've pictured in your mind. Maybe let those images go. Let the pieces fall where they may."
"I don't do that. Do I?" Shifting in my seat, I tug at my pants and thrum my fingers against my thighs at this revelation.
"I seem to remember you getting upset because you weren't wearing your lucky shirt when your acceptance letter came in. And that we had a dreary day for orientation instead of the bright sunny skies you'd hoped for." She gives me a sidelong glance as her lips turn down on one end.
"The whole college experience is the same thing. Four years is a long time, and that's before grad school, which you'll need as well. Don't place too much pressure on yourself, or school to be perfect."
"I guess I just don't see what I set for myself."
"That's understandable. I'm just saying try to live it day to day. Don't get caught up in what should be or could be and miss out on life. Go to parties, date, make friends."
"Mom, are you telling me to drink and spend time with boys?" I want to say have sex, but I can't bring myself to say the words out loud.
"In a way, maybe I am. Listen, Alexis, college is a time to have fun, to try new things. Does that mean drinking? Maybe. I'm not foolish. I know you've gone to parties, hell, I've picked you up at one in the morning." Mom pauses and glances at me with a raised eyebrow.
"And I don't know about your experiences with boys, and while on some level, I'd like to think you feel comfortable enough talking to me about these things, I prefer to stay ignorant of the details. However, I don't want you to turn around in twenty years and have regrets about how you lived during these college years."
Looking at my lap, I nod, trying to digest what she's saying.
While it really sounds like Mom is suggesting that I get wasted every day and sleep around, I understand what she means. If I think about it, I have had the intention of holing myself away in my room or the library, and reading or studying regularly. It'd probably be better if I didn't do that.
As Mom pulls off to the service stop, I glance at the clock. We've been driving for three hours now. Somehow, I've managed to distract myself for the better part of that time. Once we get back on the road, we'll have about two more hours to pass.
The nausea that had settled is again rising in my throat, ready to break free.
"Come on, sweetheart. You'll feel better after some coffee and a snack."
"I don't have much of an appetite right now."
