NOXIOUS

  Pimenta Cítrica

  Artcover: Eme Sofia

  Copyright: BERLINABLE UG

  Berlinable invites you to leave all your fears behind and dive into a world where sex is a tool for self-empowerment.

  Our mission is to change the world - one soul at a time.

  When people accept their own sexuality, they build a more tolerant society.

  Words to inspire, to encourage, to transform.

  Open your mind and free your deepest desires.

  All rights reserved. It is not permitted to copy, distribute or otherwise publish the content of this eBook without the express permission of the publisher. Subject to changes, typographical errors and spelling errors. The plot and the characters in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to dead or living people or public figures is not intended and are purely coincidental.

  The first time was amazing.

  We were so excited. In the deep throes of our frantic infatuation, it was like a pact forming between us. A silent vow of foreverness. In our parallel reality of young and free hedonism, the symbols of commitment were very different than the ordinary.

  No rings, no social media debuts, no dinner with the parents.

  Just his cum inside my body.

  A celebration of our relationship.

  He held me against the mattress, my tiny wrists immovable against his resolute grip. He was a vampire, towering over me with his lean body, surrounding me from all sides. It felt like a ritual, a trance, a hypnotic experience. His cock impaled through me – no latex, no layers, no protection. Just our bodies against each other. The thought of it made my head spin; I would close my eyes and imagine every delicious inch of it disappearing inside my pussy. His plump lips were smudging against mine. He alternated between whispering sweet profanities and making me drink his spit.

  I was subdued. He claimed my body as an access to my soul. When he came inside me, his voice was coarse against my ear. Fuck, it just felt so good. I had a little bit of him inside me everywhere. I laid there, delightfully violated, and I had never felt so naked and so safe in my entire life. This, I thought to myself, must be what love feels like.

  The next day I could feel his cum dripping out of me every time I took a step, little droplets staining my slutty lace underwear, and I smiled every time I felt it, cherishing the secret I carried around in between my legs.

  ***

  When your shirt came off

  It was all in time

  When a m-m-minute turned into a mile

  When I broke that grin, and I cut it off

  And you got all turned on by the taste of your sin

  The first time I swallowed his cum, I was lying on my stomach, pelvis glued to the mattress, the cheap IKEA mirror on the corner reflecting back my tiny leopard print panties. He had his back against the pillows, my head between his legs, his right hand behind his head while his left cupped the back of my neck lovingly.

  I was slurping on his cock slowly, savoring every bit. I could feel my underwear getting sticky, I was rubbing myself ever-so-slightly against a ridge on the sheets. My whole body felt ablaze with every little whimper that came from the back of his throat, his lean abdomen clenching every time my tongue would lash down his shaft.

  I just loved going down on him. I wanted to do it forever, to suck all of his problems right out of his dick. The taste of his cock was intoxicating, the intimacy was so fucking addictive. I wanted nothing more to lay there in nothing but my try-hard panties and had him invade my every hole however it pleased him.

  We were starting off slow, though. I had his base in my hand, going down gradually, breathing through my nose to suppress my gag reflex. His hand tightened on my skin, just a little, his thighs quivering. But he remained still. He was such a good boy, such a fucking gentleman, always mannered and contained.

  I kept going, deeper each time, feeling the head of his cock at the edge of my throat. My free hand came to caress his balls softly. He moaned lowly, and I pulled back, licking all around the gland and then rubbing it against my lips, using his pre-cum as lip-gloss.

  His eyes, his eyes were so huge, I wondered sometimes how that was even possible. His jawline was clenched tight, light irises clouded. He nodded; his whole expression dissolved into ecstasy. I thought I was going to explode into a million tiny pieces; the lust I was feeling was so violent.

  He brought his hand to my chin, holding my face gently, his thumb against my bottom lip. "Baby…" he whispered again. He was always so kind, so loving, the sweetest most tender man I had ever met, even in situations like this, and sometimes I just needed more.

  "Baby," I whispered back, my voice hoarse. "Please." I grabbed his hand, putting it back where it belonged; the back of my neck, "make me choke on it."

  "Fuck," his hips thrusted up involuntarily, and I took it as cue to resume the sloppy sucking. I pressed my thumb against the palm of my hand, the secret trick to get a hold of the gag reflex, and just took it as deep as I could and then some. He pressed down, holding my ponytail between his fingers, using it as leverage to push my head up and down.

  I went with it, letting him guide me on his cock. I was gagging but just wanted him to keep going, and God bless, he did. There was spit all over, his whole body was taut, and I was no longer able to hold back. I was full on grinding against the mattress like a fourteen-year-old, his moans spurring me on to the point of insanity.

  Sheepishly I sneaked a finger down to his ass. Not pressing in, my fingernail was too long. Just rubbing against the ridges back and forth. He let out a pained moan. Infallible. It was like his on/off button, it worked every time. My finger kept working around his ass, and I never stopped bobbing my head on his cock, opening my mouth as much as possible to take him whole. His hand squeezed around my ponytail; sharp pain spread around my scalp. I moaned around his cock, he moaned loudly in response, tugging harder on my hair like he couldn't realize he was doing it.

  "Baby, baby, I'm gonna come…" His voice was so faint and desperate, so hot, a pleading warning. I kept going. He tried to pull my head up by my hair, I made a stubborn "mm-mm!" in my throat. God, I just wanted to drink his spunk, was that so hard to understand? I took him deeper, he made this strangled noise, his ass clenching against my digit as I felt his cum in my throat. His cock was so deep I swallowed it without barely tasting it. Shame. "Oh my God."

  His face was glistening, and I felt like my pussy was on fire.

  "I need you to touch me." He smiled through the fog.

  "Anything you want."

  ***

  The next day, my throat was burning.

  I told him he had fucked it raw.

  He laughed and rolled me a cigarette.

  ***

  The metal shackles clicked together. I was helpless.

  “Wait, wait, I’ll put the music on.”

  I felt the mattress shift as his weight left the bed, the relentless bass of a The Weeknd fuckballad sounding on the speakers. I breathed through my lips. I could sense him coming close, he planted a wet, incendiary kiss on my lips, left me wanting more.

  My skin was prickling with goosebumps. The anticipation was killing me. I had been blindfolded and tied up so many times before, and yet, with him everything felt like the first time. My sensations were heightened, my body pulsing like a red ball of light in the middle of the dimly lit room. In that moment, every single one of my senses existed solely to savor him; my tongue craved the taste of his saliva, my skin longed for his pores glued to mine, my ears could pick up the tiniest shift in his breath, my sense of smell could sniff the beads of sweat down his back.

  When his tongue lashed at my clitoris, I let out a moan that sounded unhuman. It was a chilling sound of pure need, of pure lust, something primal and uncontainable. He devoured my pussy, holding my thighs apart as he sucked mercilessly. It felt like all my nerves had migrated to my groin. I was not myself anymore, a whole person, with thoughts and wants and a story to tell – I was his prey, coming undone at the seams. My body became incandescent.

  When he came up a lifetime later, biting savagely at the skin of my neck, I could feel my lips moving as if I hadn’t commanded them to; pleading, begging, whimpering to him to just be inside me, for the love of God, soon, now. He impaled through me, his cock huge, breaking me, making me take it.

  It was like a trance, a ritualistic moment, it was more than sex. I’m experienced enough to know that when it’s good it’s good, you feel it in your sweat, your feel it in your saliva, you feel it in your blood until there is nothing left but two edacious bodies wanting to claw at one another.

  At one point he took the blindfold off, grabbed my chin and turned my head to the mirror on the opposite side of the room. “Look at yourself,” he commanded in a hiss. As I opened my eyes, the dimly lit room was foggy; my image on the mirror was transfixed. He had a firm grip on my jaw, my face was flushed, sweaty, I didn’t even look like me; I looked like a shadow of the person I was, an animalistic force distorting all my features. The low bassline of the music kept hammering in my head as he pounded into me unyieldingly, the melancholic timbre resonating through the room: Bring your love baby, I can bring my shame. Bring the drugs baby, I can bring my pain. I got my heart right here; I got my scars right here… How appropriate. I was so hooked on that mix of adrenaline and desire, I indeed felt like a prey in his arms that night; and when a loud “fuck!” exploded on his lips, and he bent over me, I almost could feel his seed spreading inside, like a fiery boiling elixir billeting in all my organs.

  ***

  The next day, I was still relishing his cum sipping slowly out of my pussy and drip-drip-dripping, soaking my underwear. The thought alone was enough to make me cream myself, and as I closed the door behind me and entered the toilet stall, my plan was to scoop a few droplets out of my panties to taste him again.

  When I lowered my underwear though, there was a black stain. It was a gooey substance, had the same consistency of cum, but the color was just like shiny coal. My heart sunk. Was I sick? What could this mean? I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, my blood pumping in my ears.

  When I looked again, the stain had disappeared.

  ***

  The music was absurdly loud on my ears, the thumps of hard techno making the walls vibrate, the flashing blue lights inside the basement, the hard stench of chemicals and sweat.

  My vision was coming in and out of focus, my body brimming with artificial euphoria, mixed with engulfing anxiety. I always felt like I was tittering centimeters away from a mental breakdown, from turning myself inside out, from making a scene, from completely losing my mind and letting all my demons fly around the room and vampirize all the souls there.

  So much darkness inside such a tiny little girl.

  At the same time, I felt so elated around him, it was so addictive, the way I would feel safe but expectant, always wanting more, never enough.

  His eyes were the size of tennis balls I swear, the pupils were two giant black holes, his face was glistening with sweat and he just looked at me, so deep, so intently, and held his two hands in front of his chest, like he was about to say a prayer.

  “I- I really, really like you.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t know where to rest my eyes, suddenly his pupils were way too big for me to continue staring at them, the euphoria tantalizing, licking my skin, making me breathless.

  “Me too,” I mumbled.

  “No, you don’t understand!” He slurred with urgency. “I really, really, really like you, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  I love you too, I thought.

  When I mention blue,

  While you thought was color

  When you mention drugs;

  All I thought was sober

  When your pants came off

  And I turned you over

  When you mention blue

  ***

  It was the second time that week I threw up in the morning. I woke up with my stomach churning, the nausea so intense I felt like I could barely move. I told myself I was just hungover. I simply needed to focus on deep, slow breaths.

  No use.

  My knees landed violently on the dirty linoleum floor as I vomited into the toilet. My stomach ached; everything burned. When I got back up, I had tears streaming down my cheeks; I looked like absolute shit. My skin was acting up, I looked so disheveled. I told myself I was living the fast life; that is what I was supposed to look like.

  Martha noticed right away. She asked me if I was okay when I slipped into the kitchen to fix myself a pot of green tea. She was rolling her morning joint, blond hair in a messy bun.

  “Yeah, I don’t know what that was all about. I think it was the wine.”

  “Put some ginger in your tea, I have some. You’re not pregnant, though, are you?”

  She looked at me with a smug smile.

  “Oh God, stop. I mean, that’s why we got the IUD in the first place, to not have to worry about it anymore!”

  It must have been my stomach. I shouldn’t really have drunk that much the night before. In fact, I shouldn’t really have drunk that much at all lately; I was taking very poor care of myself. Binge drinking every night, drugs all the time, I couldn’t remember the last time I had a proper meal – or night of sleep.

  I promised myself I would do better. I looked in the mirror and the reflection who stared back at me looked damaged.

  Fuck, I needed to take better care of myself.

  ***

  I stripped off my backpack as soon as I arrived in his room; some mellow house music was playing off his computer while he finished rolling himself a cigarette. I reached out for the tobacco, so I could make myself one too.

  “I really need a shower. Work was a mess today.”

  “Sure, go ahead.” He paused. “Listen, Jamie said they wanted to go clubbing today, what do you say?”

  “I… Well, I thought we were just chilling tonight. I’m pretty tired.”

  “Yeah, I know. I mean, it’s cool if you don’t wanna go. It’s just been a while since I’ve hung out with them.”

  I didn’t really know what to say.

  “Do you wanna go?”

  “You know me, I’m always down for whatever. Tell you what, why don’t I go on my own? You can stay?”

  Why was I so hung up about this? Why was I being so clingy? The disappointment boiled in the pit of my stomach as I realized there was no way we would stay in tonight. I tried shaking off this sinking feeling.

  “I don’t not wanna go, I’m just tired…”

  “We’ll get you some stimulants, you’ll be ready for the night. Plus, didn’t you say your friends were talking about going out? Why don’t you text them?” It was true.

  “It’s true. You’re right, I’ll text them.”

  ***

  My dilated pupils seemed to have grown accustomed to the diffuse violet lights everywhere. The techno was pumping my ear. I took a sip of my water; I could feel my body sweating, overheating, my hands shaking. It was fresh and cold, and I relished the sensation of going inside my body.

  “Alles gut?” His voice in my ear brought me down to earth. Maybe I looked as fucked up as I felt. I nodded. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, yeah.” I said more firmly.

  “Well, if that’s the case then I’d like you to get onto your knees, please.” He elongated the e’s, to make them rhyme, his voice elated with childlike glee. I looked over at him, his huge eyes so close to my face again. He looked euphoric, happy, and carefree.

  My friends were dancing a couple of meters away. I mean, even I had certain limits. Most of the time.

  “Your eyes are so dark, the black light makes you look like a vampire,” he said, staring intently into me. “A really, really sexy vampire.”

  I was so thirsty, and his lips were the cure. So plump and delicious, sometimes I felt like I wanted to eat him alive, supple mouth, velvety tongue, huge eyeballs. I licked the roof of his mouth, sucked his tongue, we kissed and kissed until he brought my hand to his dick.

  It was rock-hard.

  God, I wanted nothing more than to be his bitch.

  He pushed the back of my neck down, unzipped his leather boxers, pulled his cock out. My friends were dancing right behind me. I did not care.

 

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