Love and trusting, p.3
Love and Trusting, page 3
"Oh, my goodness," I let go of Joe's hand as I rushed into the space and looked at everything around me.
"Mom and Dad insist on keeping it exactly as I left it when I left for college. He rolled his eyes playfully while shutting the door behind him. "Nostalgia," he chuckled.
"This is so cool, Joe," I said excitedly, thinking about what my teenage bedroom had looked like, but the memory seemed so faded. "You know, Joe, I realized how much of your life I am missing out on by not coming down here. You've seen my life in New York, but I have yet to see yours here." I said softly.
Joe nodded and stepped in closer to me, tilting my chin towards his gaze. "God, you look so beautiful tonight." he pulled me in hard and kissed me deep as though we hadn't seen each other in months. My entire body felt it was going to melt, and every one of my senses was tingling as heat spread through my body.
I inhaled deeply. "Oh Joe, don't do this to me now," longing was heavy in my voice as I exhaled.
Joe held me tighter as he looked down into my pleading eyes, my body fighting every urge that was surging through it. "I want you so bad, Em." He kissed me again and, in one swift movement, lifted my legs, wrapping them around his hips. Setting me on the bed gently, he leaned over me as I lay back, his lips on mine.
Joe gently laid his body on mine, pressed himself against me, slowly rocking himself as he kissed me down my neck and down my chest, my hands through his hair.
My breathing was heavy; I let out a soft moan as Joe's hand began to slide up the back of my thigh beneath my dress to my bare cheek and gave a gentle squeeze. "I've wanted to do this to you all damn day," he said huskily into my ear. Joe moved down my body until he was standing at the foot of the bed; he pulled my body toward him until I was close to the edge. Joe lifted my dress to reveal my lacy thong and gently began sliding it down my legs. I watched as Joe began to unbuckle his belt, and I completely succumbed to the ecstasy that was about to occur.
"I cannot believe we just had sex in your teenage bedroom, in your parent's house, at Thanksgiving dinner, on the night I met them," I said, fixing my hair in the dresser mirror.
Joe wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. He looked at me through the mirror. "Wait until I get you home," he teased, grinning cheekily.
Joe's younger brother Matthew and his wife Sarah arrived just as we had returned downstairs. I watched as Joe and Matt playfully fought each other as they greeted each other before giving each other a quick brotherly man hug. After a round of introductions, Victoria was serving food at the dining table.
As I looked around the dinner table, all I could see were smiling faces, laughter, and deep conversation. I felt a sense of gratitude that I had been welcomed and accepted into Joe's family. Victoria was a passionate woman, so full of love, encouragement, and wholeheartedness. I watched her as her sons spoke and saw an undying pride for them in her eyes. She shared stories of Joe and Matt growing up. While William shared stories of their achievements and aspirations. William's business-like manner came out in the way he spoke: clear and concise, firm and steady, but with kindness and generosity. The facade I had bought was shattered almost instantly when Victoria and William welcomed me into their home. My mom and dad seemed to be enjoying themselves more than I had seen in a long time. Joe and Matt shared jokes reliving the reminders of their shared childhood. All my fears had subsided, and I felt a layer of guilt over my earlier assumptions.
Joe gave me a wink as I glanced at him. "I hope you don't feel too interrogated," he leaned over to me as he whispered.
I shook my head; I had felt validation and connection.
The night began to wind down in the family room, where stories had gone from childhood to current business dealings and work chatter, and Sarah had found herself wrapped up in environmental discussions with me, passionately sharing her views on climate change.
"Emily, do you mind a word?" Victoria stood and pointed to the door leading to the foyer.
"Oh, yes, of course." I felt my cheeks burn and the heat flush my face. I turned quickly to Joe for reassurance. He smiled nervously and nodded, releasing his hand from mine, and I stood to meet Victoria.
I followed Victoria through the foyer and into a modest-sized media room, a large plush sofa at the forefront, facing a huge wall-mounted flat screen. The room was minimally furnished.
"Emily," Victoria began as we sat ourselves down on the sofa. "Joe has told us so much about you and from you the same tonight, but I can't help but feel like we aren't seeing the big picture here."
"What do you mean?" I couldn't read Victoria's tone or what she was trying to get at.
"What I mean, Emily, is, really, all we have heard is the good stuff, you know, all the things one says to impress. We all have things in our lives that are less impressive to those around us." Victoria seemed to be pausing, carefully choosing her words. I could sense her hesitation and the weight of her unspoken concerns.
My whole life was less impressive compared to Joe's, compared to theirs. Taking a deep breath, I decided to address her directly and confidently. "What do you want to know?" I wanted Victoria to know I was serious about Joe and this relationship.
Victoria gazed at me intently, looking for sincerity in my eyes. "I want to know the real you beyond the surface-level details. I want to know what your dreams are, your ambitions and fears, your challenges and triumphs."
I took a moment to gather my thoughts; what she really wanted to know was if I was good enough for her son. "Victoria, I may not have achieved the same level of success as Joe, and as you know, I am transitioning in my career currently to fiction writing, which sounds like a pipe dream to most, but what I lack in experience I make up for in passion. I have the determination and will to succeed, and I just have to keep believing in that." I felt like I was in a job interview. There was no way I could make being a writer sound lucrative and glamorous to anyone with the level of success in this family. I suddenly felt small and insignificant.
Victoria remained poker-faced and hard to read. "And what challenges have you faced?"
Nothing that compared to Joe's, and now I understood more where this was going. "Look, I'm not going to put on a front and pretend to be the perfect woman for your son, but I love Joe, and he loves me. I understand your concerns, Victoria," I replied, trying to maintain a calm and composed demeanor. "I know it's natural for parents to worry about their children's well-being, especially when they've been through as much as Joe has. I want you to know that I care deeply for Joe, and I would never do anything to hurt him."
Victoria nodded, her expression softening slightly. "I don't doubt your intentions, Emily. It's just that Joe's previous relationship with Izzy... well, it was a significant part of his life. They were married, and it's been a difficult journey for him since her passing. We, as his parents, still hold a place in our hearts for her. I hope you understand that."
I reached out and gently took Victoria's hand, offering her a reassuring smile. "I do understand, Victoria. I can't begin to imagine the pain Joe must have endured losing someone he loved so deeply. I would never try to replace Izzy or diminish her memory. I am here to support Joe, to love him in the present, and help him build a future." I paused and took a breath. "Victoria, I hope you really do get to know the real me, and I hope to get to know you and William a lot more. Though it might be early days for Joe and me, I'm not going anywhere, so I really hope that you can support this relationship, especially for Joe."
A faint smile appeared on Victoria's face, reflecting a glimmer of hope. "I believe you, Emily. And I want you to know that Joe's happiness is of utmost importance to me and William. We've seen him go through so much pain, and if you can bring him joy and love, then we're ready to embrace you as part of our family."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I felt a surge of gratitude. "Thank you, Victoria. Your support means more than words can express." Victoria shifted toward me on the couch and embraced me in a hug.
A knock on the door, followed by Joe entering the room, pulled me from Victoria's tightly gripped arms. "Everything alright in here."
"Of course, sweetie." Victoria smiled at Joe as she stood straightening her skirt.
Joe looked at me as I wiped my eyes. "Mom, you're not supposed to make her cry." Joe came to me quickly.
"I'm fine." I smiled at Victoria. I had no doubt that Victoria was warm, kind, and loving, but I also knew that the weariness she was feeling wouldn't dissipate after one meeting.
"You ready to go?" Joe put his arms around my back as we returned to the family room. All eyes on me as we entered brought back my earlier feelings of insecurity and judgment.
"Emily, it was lovely to have you and, of course, your mom and dad for dinner with us this evening." Victoria hugged me as we stood in the entranceway, pulling our coats on.
"It was our pleasure," my mom quickly added.
"Thank you so much, Victoria and William," I nodded in Williams's direction. "I hope we can do this again soon."
"You are welcome anytime, Emily," William responded as he took my hand and leaned in to kiss my cheek.
4
I climbed into bed, exhausted and buzzing from the night’s events. “Oh, Joe,” I said as I lay my head back on the soft pillow. “Do you think they liked me?” I thought about Victoria and my conversation. My concerns began to fade as I reassured myself that any mother who wasn't concerned about their son getting hurt wouldn't be doing her job properly.
Joe laughed as he climbed into bed next to me. “What’s not to like?” He kissed my forehead before propping his elbow on his pillow and resting his head on his arm while facing me.
I kept the conversation between Victoria and me to myself, simply telling Joe that Victoria was interested in my dreams and aspirations and to welcome me into the family.
“I love seeing the side of you down here I don’t see in New York.”
“What side is that?”
“The way you are with your family, the way you are with people who know you, know your life, are a part of it.” As I spoke, I made small circles on his bare chest with my fingers.
Joe brushed my hair back behind my ear. “I’d like you to be a part of my life down here someday.”
I looked up from his chest. I didn’t expect this conversation to be happening right now. I wasn’t sure how ready I was, and I had been dreading that Joe’s expectations would be for me to move to Charleston.
“Are we ready to have this conversation, Joe?”
“I think that we probably need to. It's not as if either of us could pack up and move tomorrow, but we need to discuss our options.”
“Do we really have options, though, Joe? You just said you want me to be a part of your life here someday. Correct me if I’m wrong, but what I heard is I’d like you to move to Charleston.” I had begun soft, but my tone had shifted to more blunt than I had meant it to by the time I’d finished speaking.
Joe tilted his head, and his face expressed concern; he ran his hand up my arm to rest on my shoulder. “It makes the most sense, Em. I have run this over my head a thousand times. Our families are here, my work and my home are here.”
“What about my work? My home?” I had run it through my head a thousand times myself. I wasn’t ready for this conversation because I had already defeated myself repeatedly. I could do my job from anywhere, and I only rented. Sure, I had Amanda in New York, who I promised I’d never leave, but what else was really keeping me there? I already knew it made the most sense. I just wasn’t ready to accept it. “I have just started night school,” I added.
“I'm not asking you to make any decisions tonight; just think about it. Take all the time you need. I know you have your life, too. But I bet I can make you feel differently about Charleston by the end of the weekend.” He grinned.
I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, and I wasn’t even sure if Charleston was the entire issue. I had come so far from the girl who would have given up her whole life for a man. I had made sacrifice after sacrifice for Chris and vowed never to do it again. Would I be her if I did the same for Joe?
“I know I held us off for so long, longer than you deserved, but now that I have you, it is so hard every time I have to say goodbye, not knowing when I will get you back in my arms.” Joe continued so genuinely.
I listened to Joe's heartfelt words, feeling torn. I could see the sincerity in his eyes, and it tugged at my heartstrings. The thought of being apart from him was difficult to bear. Still, the thought of giving up my independence and the life I built for myself was equally daunting.
”I understand how you feel, Joe," I began, my voice filled with mixed emotions. "And I don't want to be away from you either. But it's not just about Charleston. It's about the sacrifices and compromises we both have to make. I've been down that road before, and well—“ I tailed off.
Joe's expression softened, and he tightened his grip on my shoulder. "I know it's a lot to ask, Em. I don't want you to give up everything for me. I want us to find a way to make it work.”
I took a deep breath, appreciating Joe's understanding. "I want that too, Joe. I don't want to lose you, but I also don't want to lose myself in the process. I need time to think.”
He nodded, a mixture of hope and uncertainty in his eyes. "Of course, Em. Take all the time you need. I don't want you to rush into anything. Just promise me that we'll be honest with each other about our thoughts and feelings."
I smiled, grateful for Joe's patience and willingness to work through this with me. "I promise, Joe. We'll figure it out together. I don't want to make any hasty decisions. Let's give it some time, and maybe, just maybe, we'll find a way to make Charleston a part of our future."
Joe's eyes lit up with a glimmer of hope, and he pulled me into him. "Thank you, Em. That's all I ask. Let's take it one step at a time and see where life takes us."
As we lay there, holding each other, I couldn't help but feel my emotions rising to the surface.
I sleepily wandered downstairs in an oversized t-shirt that hung midway down my thighs to find Joe working on his laptop at the kitchen counter. Coffee in hand and the rising sun beginning to sneak through the room. I hung my arms over Joe's shoulders, leaning around to kiss his cheek.
Joe let out a soft hum and spun his stool to meet me. He pulled me into him, softly kissing me as I stood between his thighs.
Joe was already dressed in a white shirt and dress pants, his top button open, revealing the top of his chest. I pulled on his open collar as he kissed me.
“What are today’s plans, Mr Carlton?” I asked with an already assumption that Joe had work to do.
Joe looked at me with an apologetic smile. “Steve has a big civil case he’s taking on; he has asked me to be his associate. I’m just reviewing the brief now, but he wants to meet with me to go over some details before meeting with the clients on Monday morning.”
I could tell Joe felt he was letting me down by going into the office instead of being with me.
“No rest for the wicked, huh?” I responded.
“This is a huge deal for me, Em; it’s a chance to finally take my career to new levels.”
“Go, Joe, it’s fine, really. This is all a part of me getting to know your life down here. Besides, it gives me a chance to stay here and go through all your stuff.” I grinned cheekily.
Joe chuckled, his hands on my hips. He motioned me backward and stood. “I’ll be home this afternoon, and then I’m all yours for the rest of the weekend.”
“Hurry up then, off you go. Before I tempt you to stay.” I pulled my t-shirt up and over my head, standing in front of him in nothing but my lacy thong. I threw my t-shirt playfully at him and spun around. “I’m off to have a shower.”
Joe grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into him, holding my breast with one hand and grabbing one of my bare cheeks with the other. He gripped me firmly as he pulled me against him. I could feel his hardness pressing against my stomach. “You are the biggest tease.”
I pulled back and gently cupped his groin and gave a gentle squeeze. “Think about me while you’re working.” I winked at him, teasing him a little more. I stood on tiptoes, kissed him goodbye, and walked away, leaving Joe holding my t-shirt and watching me make my way to the stairs.
Joe made a grunting noise behind me that resembled a cool frustration.
Wrapping my hair in a towel, I made my way back downstairs to the empty kitchen. I poured myself a black coffee, made my way to the balcony, and looked out over the marshes. It was such a beautiful view; I tried to imagine what it would be like to wake up every morning to this, to Joe, to Charleston. My heart sank; I wanted it to feel exciting, I wanted to feel ready, and I wanted to really truly want it. I didn’t. Joe, yes, of course, I wanted more than anything. But Charleston? I just couldn’t. I didn’t feel it in my heart.
I sighed a loud sigh in defeat. How could I change my mind on it?
I wandered from room to room throughout the large house. Joe had given me a brief tour the first time I had been here, but I hadn’t seen much past the kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom. I stood at the door to Joe’s glass-walled office. His desk stood front and center, facing the glass that looked out toward the open-plan dining, living, and kitchen. I walked in and around the front of the desk, running my hand along the mahogany as I walked toward the bookshelf that lined the back wall. In the corner sat two chairs and a small coffee table next to it. I ran my hand across the spines of the books as I gazed at the titles he had on display. Mostly law books and professional development, and I spotted a couple of books on grief. I felt a pang of heartache for Joe, I never wanted him to feel sadness again, and I would damn well make sure I never let that happen.
