Guardian, p.15
Guardian, page 15
"Hmm?" they asked. "Oh. You probably should get out of bed tomorrow or maybe the next day. You shouldn't try to go anywhere just yet, I would say. I would give it a few days to be safe." They picked a book off the bookcase and sat on the foot of the bed. As they started to read to me about a far away place called London, I tried not to shout in frustration.
A few days? Andrew would be frantic. He would definitely think I was dead. He would certainly have figured out where I had gone. Not knowing I had only been injured, he would think I was dead. And since I had almost died, that was not far off. How much blood had I lost? How bad had the infection been? What if it came back and was worse?
No, that last part, it wouldn't happen, I realized. It wasn't going to be possible. The Powers That Be wouldn't want me to die, not just yet. They still wanted me to do their dirty work for them, so they needed me. Preferably alive and more or less in one piece. That was probably why the infection had retreated with barely any fight. The Powers That Be had willed it to be so.
As Mister Utterson began to relate the strange case of Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde, I felt myself begin to drift off to sleep. At some point, Casey stopped reading and closed the book. I heard them set it down on the bedside table. They moved towards the door and hesitated before leaving the room. I could almost feel them staring at me.
"It's about damn time you got here, Lenore," I heard them mutter bitterly before they walked into the hallway and back downstairs. I lay in bed, listening to them move around the house. I was exhausted, but now I was thinking.
Casey had known I would be coming? How? And why were they still alive? Their not being dead explained a few things I had noticed in town. The bodies were missing. They had buried or burned them. While I had been searching for the Avadis, I had been feeling someone else, someone Powered. I had assumed it was the Guardian, but—
...wait...
Casey Lynn Jones, my childhood friend...
They were the Powered Guardian.
Chapter 27
I couldn't get out of bed the next day. I tried, but I was still too weak. I spent that first full day drifting in and out of consciousness. Casey brought me some kind of soup broth to drink, which was greasy and disgusting. I drank it anyway. Then they read me more of the book about the mysterious Mister Hyde, and then I slept again. When I woke up, Casey brought me more soup. They read me more of the book, and then I slept again.
The book was good, I had to admit. It did reference many things I did not understand, but it was still a good mystery, and I had always liked a good mystery. I would gladly have read it myself, but sitting up was painful, and holding my arms up was exhausting. So I listened and fell asleep.
I tried again to talk to them, but Casey wouldn't say anything about what they had been through. They were kind of hard for me to read. They didn't smile or frown or have any obvious emotional shifts. The only time they had said anything that might have been emotional was when they thought I was asleep.
The next morning, all the soup caught up with me. I forced myself to grit my teeth past the pain of the staples in my back and pushed myself upright. I staggered out of Casey's room and into the bathroom. The stitches in my leg, which were my own handiwork, pulled at me too. I noticed they were done a lot less neatly than Casey's stitches. I was going to have a few nasty-looking scars.
I did not see Cain. I had expected to, but I didn't. I couldn't help but remember when I had been recovering in the hospital from pneumonia. He had been there every day. Why was he not there while I was recovering from doing actual Reaper work? Why wasn't he checking on me? I had thought he cared...Or maybe, was he giving Casey and me some privacy?
I was glad to see Casey, but I couldn't help but notice several odd things about them.
The stuffed animals in the corner of Casey's old room, for example. They had belonged to every small child in Dansville. That alone should have tipped me off that something strange had happened to my friend. If not that, then the posters scrawled all over with DON'T SLEEP definitely should have. But I didn't think about the mental toll that had been taken on Casey until the day after I got out of bed for the first time.
I had managed, slowly and painfully, to make my way downstairs. I was sitting more or less upright in a chair at the kitchen table, and Casey was cooking for me. I had by then gotten out of them that they got most of their food from things people had canned and from a few rabbits. At least the wildlife in Dansville was flourishing, if not the people. That was something.
I was watching them cook and noticed that they kept doing something odd. Every time they stirred the pan, they did it three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, knocked on the counter three times, and then turned in a circle before doing whatever else they needed to do. They were muttering something at the same time as they were doing all of this. I couldn't quite hear them.
"What are you saying?" I asked finally when they did it again. They stared at me blankly. I explained what they had been doing, and they looked baffled and then thoughtful.
They went through the whole sequence again and then looked at the pan of the rabbit that they were cooking and shrugged. "I...I never noticed what I was doing, I guess." They went to stir the pot and went through all the motions one more time. "Oh! It's just some silly little poem I found in a book."
"What is it?" I asked.
"All is well, all is well
I'm living in Hell
No, not Hell, but not Heaven
An in-between place
Where I live in disgrace
With my disgraceful race
All is well, all is well
Might as well call it Hell"
They finished reciting the poem and frowned. "How long have I been doing this?"
I shrugged. "Probably for a long time. The entire time I've been here, anyway." I thought about it and decided to broach another touchy subject. "Why do you have those stuffed animals from all over Dansville in your old room?" I had since learned that Casey slept in their parent's old room. I wasn't sure if they had started sleeping in there only when I had arrived or if they had been sleeping in there the whole time.
I hadn't looked in there — they deserved their privacy — but I had peeked into the other rooms. All of them had pages from picture books papering the walls. Every poster or page was covered in the words DON'T SLEEP. I wasn't sure how to ask them about that. I didn't think they would answer me. Whatever it was, whatever had happened to them over the last four years, It was obviously still affecting them in ways I could not understand. I wanted to help them, but I wasn't sure how.
Casey dished the rabbit pieces onto plates for us before answering me. "They looked lonely."
"Lonely?" I asked as they brought the plates over to the table where I was sitting. I speared a piece on my fork and blew on it before taking a bite. It was tough and stringy, probably from an older rabbit, but it was food. I needed to eat and regain my strength if I was going to be able to fly back to Sky City soon.
They thought about it for a while. "I thought they would be less lonely if they were all together and with me."
I frowned but decided that was another thing I couldn't help them with. "Casey, I've been meaning to ask...I can tell you have Powers, you know." Their hand jerked as they went to stab a piece of rabbit with their fork, sending the fork skittering and screeching over the plate. They shot me a look. I took a deep breath and went on. "You didn't have Powers before the...er. You didn't the last time I saw you. When did you manifest Powers?"
They ate their bite of rabbit and pushed back from the table abruptly, standing and turning away. "You ask too many questions, Lenore," they snarled, their voice cold. "You didn't use to."
I threw up my hands with frustration. "Casey, I have no idea what's happened to you or how to help you. I'm so glad you're okay, that you're alive and not dead after all! But you've been doing some really odd things, and I don't know what I can do to help you or why—"
They whirled on me and leaned over to scream in my face. "It's because you're the slowest, most useless Reaper in the world, Lenore! It's because you left me here for four years! It's because you got to build yourself a new life and a new family, and I had to bury mine!" And then they turned and ran from the room, ran from the house, ran away from me and my questions.
I sat, dumbfounded, staring after them. Before me were two mostly full plates of unappealing rabbit meat, growing cold and congealing on the table. I stood and briefly considered going after them but realized I was still too weak. I didn't know for certain where they would have gone. I could use my Reaper Power to find out, to find them, but...I felt like maybe they deserved a little time alone. After all, they had all but told me they were the Powered Guardian.
Which meant all kinds of horrible things. They had been living, been trapped, in Dansville for four years. Ever since Dansville had fallen to the Avadis. Which meant they had been living with the Avadis for four years. I had a good idea about some of those scars...I had a few myself, after all, from those Avadis. I also had a good idea of what was meant by DON'T SLEEP all over the walls.
I didn't think I was the right person to help Casey. I didn't know if anyone really could help them unless and until they asked for it. Talking to Ruth had helped me a lot...but I had to ask for help before I was able to talk to her about it. Asking for help...that had been the first and hardest step of dealing with all that had happened between losing Lilly, dying, and the fight with Willow.
I needed to talk to Ruth when I got back to Sky City. I should have talked to her before I left. Not that it would have helped me with fighting the Avadis, but getting her perspective on everything...I think it would have helped. And she might know how to help Casey now. If anyone did, it was Ruth.
I cleaned up the plates of rabbit. I wasn't hungry anymore, and it hadn't been very good in the first place. As I washed the dishes, I resolved not to ask Casey anything else. They would talk to me, or they wouldn't. They had been through more than I could imagine, more than I wanted to imagine.
I remembered walking through town and wondering where the bodies had gone. Gods, what must it have been like to bury everyone you had ever known? Everyone you had loved, everyone you had hated, everyone you hadn't even known. From the smallest baby to the oldest codger. It must have taken weeks. That might account for some of the weird stains I had seen...I could barely even imagine it, and Casey had done it.
I thought maybe I owed Casey an apology.
Was this where Cain had been for the year and a half that he was missing? Was he training Casey? Could a Reaper even train a Guardian? Or was he defending them so that they could get some sleep? If he had been helping them in even the smallest way, I guessed I owed Cain an apology too...although he could have just told me if that was the case. Couldn't he? Maybe he couldn't. After all, he hadn't been able to tell me Casey was the Guardian.
I went into the living room and sat down on the dusty old armchair. It was cracked and disintegrating. Whatever Casey had been doing all that time, not much of it had been cleaning. Well, maybe that hadn't been their top priority. I imagined that their top priority had been to not die. They had done a decent job of that, at least.
What else could I figure out, I wondered as the hours ticked by and Casey did not return. They had been reading a lot. They had probably read every book in town, including the entire library. Maybe that was the only way they could keep any kind of sanity. No one to talk to, so they lived in books. There were worse things they could have done to stay sane.
They hadn't slept very much, I guessed. Every time they would have nodded off, the Avadis would have attacked them. That was where all the scars had come from. That pile of bulletproof vests in the closet upstairs...I wondered if that had been something they had tried so that they could sleep? But the claws of the Avadis, as I now knew, were very sharp. They wouldn't have helped.
And they had been waiting for me. Somehow, they knew I was a Reaper, and they had been waiting for me to come and deal with the Avadis. Someone — Cain? — had to have told them because I hadn't told anyone in Dansville about my Powers. Da had told me to keep quiet, and now I wondered about that. But that question, Casey hadn't answered. When did their Powers manifest? I was afraid I knew the answer. I didn't like it.
Casey had almost certainly manifested Powers the day Dansville had fallen to the Avadis.
Chapter 28
Casey came back several hours later. I wanted to apologize to them, but they just walked past me and went upstairs to their parent’s room. Well, I guessed it was their room, actually. I was hungry, so I pulled out a jar of pickled turnips and ate some of them before going up to sleep. I was tired — exhausted, really. It had been an emotionally taxing day, if not physically. But I lay awake long into the night.
Finally, I sat up and said quietly into the dark of the room, “Cain. Can you come and talk to me for a little bit?” He appeared at my side. I held out my hand for him, and he took it. “About Casey...are they alright?”
He was silent for a long moment. —Casey has been unwell for a very long time, Lenore,— he answered finally.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. “Why didn’t you tell me that the Powered Guardian was alive? Why didn’t you tell me they were Casey? I would have come sooner.”
Cain shook his head. —I was not permitted. The Powers That Be did not want you to fight the Dansville Avadis when you did. You are not fully trained. There are many things you have yet to learn. There is much I still have to teach you that may have aided you.—
I raised an eyebrow at him. “I thought they wanted me to defeat the Avadis as fast as possible. Why didn’t you try to stop me from coming here?”
I heard a laugh in my mind, and Cain seemed as surprised by it as I was. —I have long since learned, Lenore, that there is no stopping you from doing something you have set your mind on. I did not wish to waste my time.—
I grinned ruefully. “I supposed that’s accurate. I guess I should thank you for taking care of them and for teaching them how to use their Power. I love Casey like a sibling. They could not have a better caretaker or a better teacher. Neither could I.”
Cain was quiet for a moment. —I must tell you honestly, Lenore. I did not teach Casey. I did try to protect them, as I was able. I do know of the one who did teach them, but the Powers That Be do not allow me to see that person.—
“Oh?” I asked, curious. “Who was it? Why aren’t you allowed to see them?”
—His True Name has been lost to time, as is my own, but you would know him. In the old story, he was called Abel.—
I laughed, feeling suddenly a little nervous. “So, I’ve been trained by the infamous Cain, and my soul sibling was trained by Abel?” I didn’t like to think of the possible implications there. “I...wait, does that mean that Abel is a Guardian?”
Cain nodded. —Abel usually Guards the last car on the train of the dead. That car is meant for the Avadis who have been tamed. They are still not sane, still a danger, and must be kept from harming the other dead. Abel was permitted to take leave of his duties from time to time to train Casey.—
“Like you were able to take leave of your duties to watch over and teach me.” I nodded. “But why do the Powers That Be keep you away from Abel? Hasn’t enough time passed? Hasn’t he forgiven you?”
Cain sat beside me on the bed. —I do not know if it is possible. I do not know if there will ever be enough time. What I did to him...I am told you do not know of torment until you have been an Avadis, and he was the very first. I did that to him, Lenore.—
I shrugged. “So? How many thousands of years ago was that? People move on with time.”
—You have a good and kind heart,— Cain said with fondness in his voice. —You see good even where there is only ancient evil. Even in me. I do not know how you do it.—
I gripped his hand tighter. “Because you are good, Cain,” I said insistently.
“Is he?” a voice said from the doorway. “Abel never said much about him. Only that he killed him and made him an Avadis.”
I looked up to see Casey standing in the doorway, leaning on the door jam, staring at Cain. I hadn’t even heard the door open. “Casey, I’m so sorry about—” I started, but they waved a hand at me.
“I don’t care about that anymore. I am not sure I want that murderous, torturing thing in my house.” They appeared to be thinking it over. They were glaring at Cain hostilely. “Yeah, no. You killed my teacher. It’s because of you there are Avadis and Reapers, and Guardians in the first place.”
I frowned. “Casey, that’s not exactly—”
“Shut up, Lenore!” they snapped. “I don’t know what lies he’s been telling you—”
“He’s never lied to me in my life, which is more than I can say for you!” I snapped back. Then I hesitated. Did omission count as lying? Cain had kept plenty of secrets from me. Maybe because he had to, but what if there were other things he knew that he’d never told me?
“I’m sure there’s a lot he’s never told you, though!” Casey snarled. “You didn’t even know I was alive or that I was the Powered Guardian until you got here! What else do you think he’s keeping from you, Lenore?”
“You’ve got room to talk there, Casey!” I shouted. “You won’t tell me anything! I have to drag every detail out of you, and mostly you just shut me out! What about—”
—Stop, Lenore!— Cain said, his tone disapproving. —Could you speak so easily of what happened to you after you died? How long did it take you?—
I opened my mouth to argue and then snapped it shut. He was right. I knew that. How long had it taken me until I was able to tell Andrew about the nightmares? How long until I accepted that I needed to talk to Ruth about things? Even now, just thinking about it left my insides quaking. I looked at Casey, who watched this exchange with narrowed eyes. Casey, who had had it so much harder than I had.
